Tuesday, February 24, 2015

Young and Against the Current


“Let there be a vaulted dome in the midst of the waters, 
and let it cause a separation between the waters.” -Genesis 1:6

A hazy line, which one could deem as the horizon, lie on the distant, deep ocean before me as I stared at the junction of sky and water. One lending its dull blue-grey hue over to the next. My feet solid on dry ground—the following scene in God’s Creation story aforementioned—but my mind wandered out to sea.

Lost, but with purpose; solidarity of mind and body.

What did that feel like?

I could only create my own assumptions from the logs of seafarers past. What was the world like when vessels were not powered by steam nor engine. In the days of Joshua Slocum, the horizon must have seemed endless.

Hopeful but also hopeless.

Boats always against the current. In search of that elusive future—that distant shore.

Deep sea. A place where one could rest and find solace in the peace of the air and the calm of the blue sky above.

____________________________

The dreary mood of the early morning burned away by the still rising sun and the cooking of oatmeal in a pot set upon a bed of ancient lava rock. A bottle of wine to send the ½ cup packet of oats down. And why not? What other drink would best suit three wanderers besides an aluminum chalice of blue ribbon beer, a taste I am not fond of and which lent to the purchase of bottled beverages instead.

For in our field of solid lava, we are young— a direct contradictory to the igneous rock beneath our feet. The crashing waves beat against the cliff walls, percussion for our morning. Drums of the deep— glacial blue waters cast into pure white sea foam above our heads. Engulfed but not drenched.

We were soaked from the night before, however. Plans never made to begin with had to be remade, our options endless but ludicrous each in their own way. Like sardines we kept one another warm in our sleep the night before, though only I can attest to both warmth and dryness. Only accomplished through the sacrifice of comfort by my tent-mates.

We experienced. Laughed hysterically at nothing. Acted like children. Walked with fervor amongst the old bones of a violent volcano. We lived. Explorers in our own right. Christopher McCandless wrote while on his final life journey, “Happiness is only real when shared.” And nothing could be more true. I experienced it—the feeling of happiness, contentment amongst good company. What use are 50 foot waves crashing above you, salt water rushing to your feet, birds soaring above, or sheer cliff drop-offs to steal your breath away—what use for these things if you cannot experience them amongst friends?

“Friendship brings people close no matter how great the distance between them.”

I know them now. Our steps one after the other as we hiked. New pieces of their story falling into mine. Different backgrounds, interests, families, opinions, but one goal in mind—to familiarize ourselves with this world. To see places unbeknownst to our eyes until now. Leave home, sail away. We are those pioneers of old. Responsible only to ourselves. Our frontier before us—Hazy and grey. And a horizon sits far in the distance and is what we work for. We row on, beating the current, breaking free.

Becoming who we are meant to be.

“Two paths [rivers] diverged in a wood, and I—I took the one less traveled by, 
and that has made all the difference.” -Robert Frost





Monday, February 16, 2015

Rainbows

"When you curl up in bed, and it's you in your head now. Are you living?" 
-Chet Faker

The past few days have been hard, and they've been beautiful. With the rage of a hurricane, memories have spread through my consciousness. What was under lock and key has escaped, and it's straining my senses. My past colliding with the present.

Alone here in my reality.

Long conversations, hills hiked, hours past, several setting suns, and in this moment, I can only beg to question the unanswerable question: why?
I know the answer-- more than anyone. It's that I don't need to know the answer.


I am for the better.
And I am.

I am.
I will be.



"God will not send us out on any journey for which He does not equip us well." 
-Alexander Maclaren

I believe this. I truly do. But tonight I am weak. 

And still I cry. "You'll cry on your journeys. You will cry in Maui," I was told. Thus I am.

Place does not erase the past. Some hurts run too deep. Suppressing only stays the pain and causes it to rot. And when reopened, it only wreaks more. Tonight is the lowest point I've been at for some time now, and I guess I'll just cry it out.
Talk is therapy. Human interaction just as much. Both have been in abundance these past several days. Pushing my thoughts from mind to spoken word.


"My God shall supply all your needs according to His riches in glory in Jesus Christ." 
-Philippians 4:19

Love, kindness, hope, interjection, family, strangers, friends, the Maui sun, rainbows... All love from my Father, who even in this moment is setting my path and supplying my ways. When I look at my future, I don't see the path. It winds too much. Through mountains and valleys. Graded at a percentage I have yet to read the sign for. Today has been a pothole induced flat tire, and here I am recovering from it tonight. I'll let God replace it. I'm just trying to give Him the wheel.

This past weekend I was greeted with several rainbows after waking under a tent on Waihee Ridge Trail, North Shore, Maui. Each switch-back, dip and turn brought new grandeur to my eyes. Rainbows burst through the clouds. Promises of God long inherited through the ages. Promises of security. Promises of hope.
Through rage and storm, a prism of light grants new life. I feel as if He was telling me to see His goodness. Even with my life storm whipping around me, He has my path set. New beauty everyday. I just need to let myself be bewildered in it all. Soak in the rain, the sun, and the light. My problems are nothing in light of His prescence. Nothing. Nothing. Nothing. Nothing. Nothing. Nothing.

Nothing.

Here's to another day forward, a step in a direction, tears to bring cleansing and laughter to fill the air.



"I know that in life, there will be sickness, devastation, disappointments, heartache --it's a given. What's not a given is the way you choose to get through it all. If you look hard enough, you can always find the bright side." -Rashida Jones