Rainbows

"When you curl up in bed, and it's you in your head now. Are you living?" 

-Chet Faker

The past few days have been hard, and they've been beautiful. With the rage of a hurricane, memories have spread through my consciousness. What was under lock and key has escaped, and it's straining my senses. My past colliding with the present.

Alone here in my reality.

Long conversations, hills hiked, hours past, several setting suns, and in this moment, I can only beg to question the unanswerable question: why?
I know the answer-- more than anyone. It's that I don't need to know the answer.


I am for the better.
And I am.

I am.
I will be.

"God will not send us out on any journey for which He does not equip us well." 

-Alexander Maclaren

I believe this. I truly do. But tonight I am weak. 

And still I cry. "You'll cry on your journeys. You will cry in Maui," I was told. Thus I am.

Place does not erase the past. Some hurts run too deep. Suppressing only stays the pain and causes it to rot. And when reopened, it only wreaks more. Tonight is the lowest point I've been at for some time now, and I guess I'll just cry it out.
Talk is therapy. Human interaction just as much. Both have been in abundance these past several days. Pushing my thoughts from mind to spoken word.

"My God shall supply all your needs according to His riches in glory in Jesus Christ." 

-Philippians 4:19

Love, kindness, hope, interjection, family, strangers, friends, the Maui sun, rainbows... All love from my Father, who even in this moment is setting my path and supplying my ways. When I look at my future, I don't see the path. It winds too much. Through mountains and valleys. Graded at a percentage I have yet to read the sign for. Today has been a pothole induced flat tire, and here I am recovering from it tonight. I'll let God replace it. I'm just trying to give Him the wheel.

This past weekend I was greeted with several rainbows after waking under a tent on Waihee Ridge Trail, North Shore, Maui. Each switch-back, dip and turn brought new grandeur to my eyes. Rainbows burst through the clouds. Promises of God long inherited through the ages. Promises of security. Promises of hope.
Through rage and storm, a prism of light grants new life. I feel as if He was telling me to see His goodness. Even with my life storm whipping around me, He has my path set. New beauty everyday. I just need to let myself be bewildered in it all. Soak in the rain, the sun, and the light. My problems are nothing in light of His prescence. Nothing. Nothing. Nothing. Nothing. Nothing. Nothing.

Nothing.

Here's to another day forward, a step in a direction, tears to bring cleansing and laughter to fill the air.

"I know that in life, there will be sickness, devastation, disappointments, heartache --it's a given. What's not a given is the way you choose to get through it all. If you look hard enough, you can always find the bright side." -Rashida Jones