I visited my high school guidance counselor shortly before I left the mainland for Maui, and I had relayed to her my recent life events of happiness, heartbreak, loss and the present state of divorce I was living in. Like always, she gave good advice.
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I had questioned multiple times in my mind and aloud my reasons for leaving. For bursting out of the comfort zone I had built for the last five years. Getting up and deciding that I would leave it all behind. My rear view mirror filled with my now scattered family, friends, job, "home"-- what my life was until this point. Was it called "running away?" Escaping my problems? Or was I taking the first step to recovery? By removing myself completely, I knew that I could begin the mending process.
- Would I still face pain? Yes.
- Would I still hurt because of the memories? Yes.
- Cry alone at night? Yes.
- Grow into my future? Yes.
- Learn to begin again? Yes.
- Live again? Yes.
- Smile once more? Yes.
- Be Laura-- whole, unrelenting, happy, satisfied, full of life Laura again? Yes.
I knew all of these verbs and adjectives to be true. I would live again. Outside of my pain and fear. On the other side I would be better for it.
--I am better for it.
Here in this present moment, I know I am.
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Ms. Poole, my guidance counselor, knew this. She saw my early adolescent development. She saw potential in me although my future was uncertain. She knew that whatever circumstance I faced, I would make it.
Am I running? Yes. But I am not running away. I am running toward the life my future will bring. My steps are quick to bring me out of the pain of the past. I will carry it, but I will not allow it to be a burden.
"The sun still rises, even with the pain." -The Head and the Heart
"But this is Laura." Laura is restless. She travels. She's thirsty to learn, to see new sights, to explore a different culture. She'll use the excuse of having the DRD4-7R gene, a sliver of DNA that causes one to wander and lust after travel.
Wanderlust: a strong desire to travel: a man/woman consumed by wanderlust.
"This DRD4 gene involves the dopamine levels in the brain, which is linked with motivation and behavior" (J.B. Lichter) Thanks to Dani Scott, the recent article covering this gene has been reposted across Facebook feeds in the past several days. Discovering this gene to call my own has given new validation and wonder to my traveling self. If this so called "travel desire gene" pulses through my veins, then I'll allow it to propel me forward.
Adrenaline rushes, eyes wide open, new corners to turn, precipitously falling into the unknown. Pioneering my own future. Unwritten pages. I am satisfied with this life I call my own.
I'll continue to wander into the unknown.
I'll continue to run.
"Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature... Life is either a daring adventure or nothing"
- Helen Keller
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